Impressions of Jo'burg

Last Saturday, I hopped onto a South African Airways A340-600 in New York, and 15 hours later, a more tired, sweatier, more irritable version of me stepped off the plane and into Johannesburg, South Africa, where I will live for the next six months.  I haven't had much time yet to explore the city, but I'll share with you my early impressions anyhow.

• In many ways, it’s very similar to Sao Paulo. Although I haven’t yet ventured into the Central Business District (the area that would be Johannesburg’s equivalent of Midtown Manhattan or Downtown LA), from what I hear, it resembles the tight density of Sao Paulo: a forest of concrete and glass towers built into an indecipherable street grid. Another thing: in the suburbs, most houses and apartment complexes have tall walls topped with three or four electrified wires. 
• The area where my flat (not apartment, I was told) is located looks like a more lush Orange County, full of wide, curving streets filled with BMWs and Audis, gated luxury apartment complexes and vast shopping centers, but with fewer unbearable people. Also, no Disneyland. 

I swear, if there are any "real housewives" here, I'm leaving...

• Growing up in the only industrialized country to use the English system (I mean, my god, England doesn’t even use their system) puts me at a distinct cultural disadvantage. Someone will say, “Well, it’s going to be 22 tomorrow, so we have that to look forward to,” and I have no idea what that means. Are they being sarcastic? Is that a good thing? In any case, will I need a jacket? Also, their rulers only have centimeters on them. They could at least have the courtesy to include inches and feet. It’s all so…un-American. 
• I dearly miss driving on the right side of the road. And I mean right in every sense. I cannot describe to you the number of times I have climbed into the passenger seat, only to realize that the steering wheel is located on the other side of the car, or have flipped on my windshield wipers instead of the turn signal. I have only found myself inadvertently driving on the wrong side once so far, at an intersection, and that was a harrowing enough experience that I fully intend to prevent that from ever happening again. 
• There’s a whole litany of terminology that seems like it should be wildly inappropriate, but apparently it’s not. For example, one of my (white) coworkers was telling me about his “colored” neighbors who speak Afrikaans. My mouth dropped open: “You…you can’t say that, can you?” But apparently, that’s a thing here. There are Blacks, and there are Colored people, and they’re not the same. Although I’m told that it’s fine for, well, white people to use those terms, I don’t plan to test that theory.

Could I, Robot be coming true!?

• South Africans call traffic lights "robots".  So when someone says to watch out for the robots on the road up ahead, it does not mean that the robot apocalypse has finally begun.
• Yes, South Africans are just as hot as we've all been told they are.  Every single one.  Without exception.
• Also, depending on who's speaking (and by that I mean how attractive they are), the South African accent can vary between the untameable sexiness of an Australian accent and the awkward goofiness of a Dutch accent.
• Internet access is not exactly what I’m used to back in the States (and now that I’m overseas, I’m allowed to call them that. It’s one of the perks). Before I moved, one of the IT guys told me that I would be issued a 3G card for accessing my e-mail while I’m at home. “Is there no internet at my apartment?” I asked. No. “Can I just pay for it to be installed?” I asked. Yes. But it would take 4-6 months, so it’s not really worth trying. I would be lying if I said I didn’t pause to reconsider this whole thing. Such is the reliance I have on the interwebs.
• Either someone breaks into my apartment every other day and does my dishes and takes out the trash but doesn’t steal anything, or I have a housekeeper. The jury’s still out on that one.
• Nearly every store closes at 6 pm. That includes grocery stores, pharmacies and, most importantly, Haagen Dazs. At 6 pm, I’m only just beginning to think about buying groceries. Needless to say, I’ve eaten out a lot. 
• Speaking of eating out, for some reason, it’s almost less expensive to eat out for every meal than it is to cook for yourself. This, of course, means that I may never leave…

All in all, I've gotten a good impression of Johannesburg so far.   Now, that may be because my experience to date has been confined to largely affluent areas of the city.  And Johannesburg is nothing if it is not a city of contrasts, so my impression of the city could change.